Newsflash: All the best happiness tips in the world are worth nothing if you simply will not allow yourself to be happy.
It’s strange that so many people put themselves second and refuse to be happy.
Sure, you’ve got family to look after and you do an amazing job at that. And you’ve got work to take care of, I get that. But amongst all that work and caring you do, you’ve got to know how to let yourself be happy in life. And you have to know how to put yourself first sometimes.
The weird thing is we actively stop ourselves from being happy. Millions… no… billions of people do the same thing. It’s as though we’re all afraid of being happy, afraid of joy, afraid to laugh, afraid to let our hair down, afraid to have fun.
We think we do not deserve to be happy.
For some bizarre reason, instead of embracing all the wonderful things that make us happy, all those things we have to be thankful for, we actively try to prevent ourselves from being happy.
Be Honest: Do You Stop Yourself Being Happy?
Let me give you a few examples.
For starters there’s that new hobby that you found. You remember. You started something new last month and let yourself do it a couple times. You loved it. It made you happy. Then you dropped it. You said you didn’t have the time to do it.
And then there’s your weight loss.
Do you remember how happy you were when you lost those pounds? You stood on the scales and grinned like a little kid who’d just gotten an A* in math. But then you suddenly decided that it wasn’t good enough. It was almost as though you intentionally made yourself unhappy. Instead of celebrating your success, you downplayed it just in case you were a little bit too joyful.
Did you know there are 16 different types of happiness?
But how many of those types of happiness do you permit yourself to feel?
Why Do We Stop Ourselves Being Happy?
Let’s be honest with each other. You could be a lot happier than you are. You actually know how to let yourself be happy in life already. But you actively prevent yourself from being happy. Why?
In her book The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing [AMAZON] Bronnie Ware reported that one of the most common regrets people have when they’re lying on their death beds is that they never let themselves be happy. They never just let go and allowed themselves to enjoy life. They spent their lives taking control, trying too hard to be a success, even though, in my opinion, happiness is the very measure of a successful life. I mean really, what’s the point in all of this if you are not happy?
You need to let go if you want to become a free spirited person.
Can you imagine how different you’d feel if you simply let go and embraced all those things that make you feel positive?
We’re all so self denying.
When we think of doing something that makes us happy we think it’s selfish. And instead we do all the thing we think other people want us to do.
Let’s think about that for one second.
Everyone that matters to us, everyone that cares about us, wants us to be happy.
So the idea that we’re doing “what other people want” is just total unmitigated rubbish.
Other people want you to be happy.
You want to be happy.
Let yourself by happy.
5 Ways You Make Yourself Unhappy (And What To Do About It)
1. You cling to negativity because it feels like a safety blanket.
Weirdly, it can be a lot easier to be negative than to be positive.
You might be worried that if you find happiness you’ll just lose it.
That’s similar to being afraid of falling in love. You don’t want true love because true love can be lost, and losing true love leads to pain.
Losing happiness leads to pain too.
But that’s life, isn’t it?
And besides, it’s completely insane to force yourself to be unhappy because you’re worried about losing happiness… that’s just… weird.
Overcome fear of happiness by practicing this gentle visualisation technique.
- Close your eyes (do it now)
- Focus on your breathing.
- Imagine yourself being extremely happy.
- If you are afraid of happiness you’ll notice there’s a pang of anxiety, maybe in your chest, a sensation, perhaps a tightness. Meditate on this.
- Imagine breathing air into the tense spots in your body.
- Let go of the anxiety.
- Return to step 2
- Repeat this process until you are feeling completely relaxed.
2. Your inner voice steals your happiness like a squirrel steals nuts. Don’t let it.
Your inner voice is built on old attitudes that you’ve been exposed to throughout your lifetime.
Often those attitudes don’t stem from you yourself. If your parents were happy, positive, optimistic people then you will have adopted those same attitudes. But obviously not everyone was so fortunate.
If your inner voice is making you unhappy, you need to change it.
Show your inner voice who’s boss.
Incorporate some of the traits of positive people.
Find as many sources of positivity as possible. Take our Facebook Page, for instance. It’s basically a reservoir of positive vibes. Join it.
3. You’re closing the door to happiness
Sometimes life kicks your ass. There’s no avoiding that. And the more shots you take the more tightly you hold onto your armour.
You let love in once and it got you burned so you’ve closed that door. But you’re only closing the door to happiness by not letting people into your life.
You dared to dream about starting your own business, making money online, and travelling the world as a self-made millionaire with tons of money invested in stocks. You dreamed. But it never happened. Instead you ended up burnt. So you closed the door on your dreams. You shut happiness out.
To be more satisfied in life, let happiness in. Let yourself be happy.
3. Let the good times in
There’s a fine-line between allowing yourself to be happy and letting yourself get carried away. The trick is to maintain a sense of perspective. Let yourself dream, but don’t get carried away with your dreams, keep them in check.
I invested years of my life to making my dreams come true. I wanted to be a bestselling author. I threw everything at it. And I ended up losing, financially and in terms of time.
Don’t get me wrong I love the fact that I’ve dedicated my life to something that truly matters to me, but there definitely is a risk involved.
I know now that it’s far smarter to dedicate a portion of your effort to dreams and another portion to reality.
Had I kept up with my career instead of literally throwing all of my chips into one pot, my life would have been a hell of a lot easier. But at the same time, had I not let myself dream at all I wouldn’t be anywhere near as happy as I am. As with all things I guess it’s a matter of balance.
4. When you go for what you want anxiety sets in
When you go for what you want you often feel anxious about it. Your inner voice rises, telling you that you’ll never get what you want and that you’re stupid for even trying. Giving up can actually cure your anxiety, making it an all too easy option to just jack it all in and continue with the unhappy life.
Face the fear and do it anyway
One of the best ways how to let yourself be happy in life is to recognise that anxiety is just a natural byproduct of being alive.
Anxiety is just a part of life.
Inevitably when you try something new you’re going to feel a degree of anxiety. But feeling the anxiety isn’t what matters. What matters is how you react to that anxiety.
When I was a teenager I suffered from chronic anxiety, mostly social anxiety. It stopped me from talking to anyone. Then the day came when I realised that anxiety would kill me if I let it. To overcome my anxiety I decided to do the thing I feared more than anything in the world: performing in front of people. So I joined the school choir and sang a solo in front of the whole school. I was terrified. But I went head and performed my little song and you know what? I loved it. And those five minutes in which I faced my fear changed my entire life. Literally. I performed again, and then again, and then became an actor and toured the UK on stage. Five minutes of facing your fear can change your life.
5. It’s ridiculous, but you feel guilty when you focus on your own happiness
Choosing to focus on your own happiness makes you feel guilty.
And yet, so many people feel selfish when they’re happy.
Time to change that.
Realise the truth: Your happiness is immensely important and you deserve to be happy, now and always.
You deserve happiness. We all do. But while you’d have no problem putting in serious effort to make a friend or family member happy, you struggle to do the same for yourself.
You need to change that. You know it. But how?
In my experience, the best solution is to develop self love. With a high level of self love you will feel good about being happy.