Ever asked yourself “Why doesn’t anyone understand me”? Here’s the answer and solution.
Have you ever wondered why nobody seems to understand you?
I’m sure you’ve gone through moments in your life when you felt as though you were the odd one out and felt that people simply didn’t get you.
But why is it?
Is it because we’re so flipping bizarre, so unique, so outrageously different that other people simply aren’t capable of grasping our complexity? Are we just that darned weird?
Maybe. If you’re criminally insane, are requiring a lobotomy, or you’re just plain nuts, then yes, there is the possibility that people truly cannot understand you. But for the vast majority of people that simply isn’t the case.
Odds are you’re not really that different to anyone else. So why do you feel as though people just can’t fathom you?
The reason is because your view of your self is nonsense. Whatever you think you are, you’re not. For proof, read this article about Where your idea of your self comes from.
If you’re wondering why no one understands you here is a hint: it’s because you do not exist. You’re a fabrication of your own mind. That’s why no one understands you.
Why doesn’t anyone understand you… Maybe people don’t understand you because you don’t understand your self
You’ve gone through your life gradually developing more and more of a sense of who you are, but your sense of yourself is entirely delusional. You have an impression of yourself in your own mind, but it doesn’t actually exist, so no one else can see it, and it’s utterly illogical, so no one else can understand it.
Let’s take a look at an example in order to clarify.
Let’s say for instance that you were someone who was bullied at school for years. You didn’t have many friends and everyone picked on you. There was this one specific way that kids used to bully you. They knew you were lonely, so they’d pretend to be nice to you and then suddenly turn on you and say something nasty. Over time, this caused you to be really wary of people. Anytime someone is nice to you there’s a voice at the back of your head that says “They don’t mean it. They’re going to hurt me like they used to.” To your mind this is completely natural. You’ve learnt that compliments are false and that people who seem to be being nice will end up hurting you. Your life has taught you that. To you it makes perfect sense. But years later, as an adult, you still can’t trust people who are being nice. Someone comes up to you and tried to be nice to you, but you just can’t trust them, and so you react negatively. To this, the other person says “I just don’t understand you.” They can’t understand you because they’re being nice, so why aren’t you happy? They don’t know your history. They don’t know that when they say something nice to you, you remember all those kids who bullied you.
The problem here is that your view of yourself is based on the past where their view of you is based on the present moment.
If a stranger walked up to you right now and you said “You look good today” you would expect them to say “Thank you.” But what if that person has a history of being manipulated by people, specifically by people who paid them false compliments. Then they wouldn’t be thankful for the compliment, and you wouldn’t understand them.
It’s a past VS present thing. When we see someone else, unless we know them really well, we don’t know their past. We don’t know the specific way that they view the world.
Are you like this girl, looking in the mirror wondering why no one understands you? Been there. Sucks. But you can overcome that mentality.
Stop asking Why doesn’t anyone understand me”. Instead, try to just be less confusing.
There is one easy way to solve the problem. It’s this: live in the present moment.
If you remove your sense of your self by living a mindful lifestyle, then your past won’t influence your actions.
Here’s two examples that will make this perfectly clear.
Imagine two people enter a room and meet for the first time. Both people have an idea of their selves and both are living in the past. In other words, they’re not basing their actions just on the present moment but on their past experiences. It would be very difficult for these two people to get along because they’re viewing the world in different ways. Their past actions have given them a biased view of the world, and they’re no longer acting upon the present moment but on their delusional view of things. They’re not living in the same world. They’re living in two different worlds which have been created in their minds. They’re not seeing the same things. How are they going to communicate effectively? They most likely won’t unless their past experiences are similar and life has led them both to have similar views of the world.
Now imagine two other people meet for the first time. Both of these people are enlightened. They don’t have an idea of their selves and they act only upon the present moment. They’re not swayed by the past. They see only the present moment, precisely as it is. Both these people see the exact same world. It’s amazingly easy for them to communicate effectively.
So, the answer to Why don’t people understand me is: because your mind is creating a delusional view of the world, based on past experiences, and because you’re living a dualistic lifestyle—you have a delusional sense of your self which doesn’t actually exist.
Leave a comment.
This is one of the most important Buddha quotes. It expresses the mental trait known as mindfulness. Love the present moment. Live the present moment. That’s happiness.
WHAT TO READ NEXT: