When I was a young(er) man, nothing seemed good enough.
I was discontent. I always longed for more. I never felt satisfied.
If I’d known back then that Giving Up These 10 Things Leads To Deep Inner Peace, things would have been different.
Instead I learned the painful way.
My motto might as well have been:
“I can’t get no, oh, no, no, no, hey, hey, hey
That’s what I say
I can’t get no:
Crazy thing is:
Life was great back then.
I’d moved out of home (away from my father’s alcoholism and family problems). I was in a happy, loving, passionate relationship. And I was travelling England on stage as an actor.
But in my young, naïve, and ignorant mind the stages weren’t big enough, the home I’d moved into wasn’t fancy enough, and my girlfriend (ah, let’s not go there). on.
Later in life I would learn to be happy even though I had far less. The drought in my bank account didn’t stress me. My unemployed status was no cause for alarm. My student loan was a triviality. Because even though situations were not favorable, my mind was in the right place.
The universe taught me a valuable life lesson: dissatisfaction is a state of mind. Happiness, unhappiness, content, discontent, they are all mental phenomena.
Problem is: world order demands that you and I be dissatisfied in life.
Dissatisfaction is actually crucial to world order
Nature and society demand that man never be permanently satisfied.
Think about sex.
For the species to evolve we need to procreate. The more we procreate the more likely it is that the population will increase. An increase in population causes more diversity in the human genome. That in turn equals faster evolution. That’s why sex naturally relates to evolution.
What would happen if we made love once and were content forevermore?
There would be a serious decrease in population and, if this were to continue indefinitely, we would soon be extinct.
When we make love, we are satisfied for a time. But that satisfaction runs out. Then we need to do it again. And so we repeat the same action, which leads to births and evolution.
Point is: Dissatisfaction generates evolution.
Society demands evolution too.
Societal evolution is generated through dissatisfaction too. We want more so we work harder. By working we help the system to evolve (unfortunately the system evolves in the wrong direction—but that’s an argument for a different article).
Dissatisfaction breeds evolution.
So there is an important role in dissatisfaction, especially as pertains to nature.
Problem is that human dissatisfaction is enabling the one-percent to manipulate most people.
People are intentionally kept unhappy and dissatisfied so that they work towards the betterment not of society as a whole but of the one percent who have power.
Buddhism could change all that. How? by making it so we are actually satisfied with life.
Buddhism naturally creates contentment. It does this largely through mindfulness (Read: Ultimate Guide To Mindfulness Meditation).
Robert Wright is the author of the exceptional and enlightening “Why Buddhism Is Right“. Wright teaches about the link between religion and evolutionary biology. He tells us:
“I think of mindfulness meditation as almost a rebellion against natural selection. Natural selection is the process that created us. It gave us our values. It sets our agenda, and Buddhism says, ‘We don’t have to play this game.”
Natural selection says we constantly strive for a better life for ourselves. Buddhism says, “Screw that. I am actually happy as I am right now.”
What Buddhism teaches about dissatisfaction
One of the best wisdoms is what Buddha taught about dissatisfaction.
When the Buddha reached enlightenment he told his followers that the main cause of suffering is the impermanence of happiness and satisfaction.
We feel good for a time, but it runs out.
Psychology teaches that not only does satisfaction run out, but we actually sense when we are going to become dissatisfied and we feel stressed about the upcoming low.
It works like this:
- We do something pleasurable
- We feel satisfied
- Satisfaction equals happiness
- We want happiness to last. But the satisfaction wears off.
- We feel stressed because we are losing happiness and we are losing satisfaction.
- So we seek more satisfaction (often through unhealthy means).
How Buddha Taught Us To Cure Dissatisfaction
To cure the disease, Buddha said, we much first understand it.
So how do we understand it?
- Buddha said disatisfaction is like a disease. He used the term “dukkha” to explain suffering and dissatisfaction.
- This is an unhappiness and dissatisfaction that happens to us all.
- When we experience dissatisfaction we look for reasons for it. We say, “I am unhappy because I lost my job” instead of just “I am experiencing unhappiness.”
With these basic tips we can now stop dissatisfaction.
7 Steps For Stopping Dissatisfaction
1, Accept that dissatisfaction and unhappiness are inevitable
Buddha explained that Dukkha (dissatisfacction) is inevitable.
Dukkha is caused by lifecycle, change, and a lack of control.
- Lifecycle: The stages of birth, illness, death and so on.
- Change: The mind likes stability (which appears safe) and fears change. But change is a vital and omnipresent part of life.
- Lack of control: This relates to change. Simply put, we do not like being powerless to circumstances.
The enlightened person knows they cannot control these things. They are a part of reality.
Practice mindfulness (read: The Ultimate Guide To Mindfulness)
Mindfulness means to observe things as they are in the present moment, without judgment.
Here’s how to do it:
- Take 10 deep breaths and focus on breathing
- Continue to focus, when you feel a negative sensation label it (“this is dissatisfaction”, “this is unhappiness”)
- This trains the mind to see dissatisfaction and unhappiness for what they are and nothing more.
- Notice that when you feel negative you give a reason for it (“I feel bad because I didn’t get the promotion”)
Mindfulness is simplicity. And there is beauty in this simplicity.
Many psychological studies have proven that naming emotions in this way gives us power over them, because we come to recognise the true nature of things and we limit emotions to the perceptions that they are.
So mindfulness is one way to stop feeling dissatisfied (experiencing dukkha).
2. Stop creating reasons for everything
One of the root causes of all suffering and dissatisfaction is the simple fact that the mind does not interpret things for what they are. We imagine. We exaggerate. We judge.
I’ve mentioned this above.
When we experience an emotion (“excitement”) we judge it (good) and look for reasons for it (“because I just booked a vacation to that meditation retreat”) and by the time the mind has finished this auto-piloting we have lost sight of reality.
Emotion is emotion. Happiness is happiness. Unhappiness is unhappiness. Dissatisfaction is dissatisfaction. It’s all just a feeling and nothing more.
When we train the mind to see emotions for what they are, we gain emotional control.
3. Express gratitude for the present moment
We previously looked at How To Create Gratitude With Meditation.
Gratitude is huge.
When we feel dissatisfied we judge the present moment as not being good enough.
This single judgement pulls us out of the present moment.
The moment we think “This moment isn’t good enough” we start looking for another moment. This separates body from mind because the mind journeys off in search of a better moment while the body is locked in the present moment.
One enlightened strategy to stop dissatisfaction is to express gratitude for the present moment.
There is always something to be grateful for. Enlightened people zero-in on the sources of gratitude and express their gratefulness. This trains the mind to be happy in the present moment.
4. Understand the nature of dukkha
Dukkha means suffering and dissatisfaction.
By understanding the nature of dukkha we gain wisdom (panna).
The simple act of understanding what suffering is gives the intellectual insight we need. When we understand, we become less afraid of negative emotions. We become less reactive. We are more able to keep our calm.
So what are the different kinds of dukkha (suffering)?
- Dukkha-dukkha: the dukkha of painful experiences (mental and physical).
- Viparinama-dukkha: the dukkha of change, which includes being unhappy because you’re not getting what you want.
- Sankhara-dukkha: this is basic dissatisfaction pervading all things. This is similar to the feeling that things are never as good as we expect them to be. (if you experience this state, you will probably want to read my guide Spiritual Reasons To Chill Out And Stop Expecting Too Much)
By understanding these dukkha and gaining wisdom (panna) we are then able to label dukkha (which is beneficial for the reasons we discussed above in point #1).
5. Take the middle way (majjhima patipada) to develop panna (wisdom)
We previously looked at How To Achieve Enlightenment.
Enlightenment is spiritual freedom, where we are liberated from suffering (from unhappiness and dissatisfaction).
Buddha taught that the key to enlightenment is mastering dukha.
The root cause of dukkha is ignorance, and the cure for ignorance is wisdom.
To cultivate wisdom, we practice the Noble Eightfold path: right view, right intention, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, and right concentration.
This path is what Buddha calls the “middle way” (majjhima patipada).
The middle way is the way between two ignorant ways. The first is the ignorance through which we try to drown out unhappiness by constantly indulging. The second is when we self-mortify in a (fruitless) effort to gain liberation.
I always think of the Noble Eightfold Path as the healthy, balanced way, because it is the path by which we act healthily towards ourselves, meeting our needs without indulging, and refusing excess but not mortifying.
This is the path that leads to enlightenment and Nibbana.
6. Trace the route causes of Tanha (craving)
Dissatisfaction and unhappiness have beginnings. By tracing the dissatisfaction / unhappiness back to its root we can weed it out of the mind.
The root cause of suffering is Tanha, which is basically craving.
To give a modern day example of tanha: you see your neighbour driving a ne Mercedez when you’re in a clapped-out old banger (pardon my British slang). You feel dissatisfied because you want to be in the Merrcedez. This Tanha then develops as you feel dissatisfied with the other things you have, thinking them not good enough.
Wind it back.
To turn dissatisfaction in to happiness:
- Think about the last time you felt dissatisfied (or think about how you’re feeling right now if you are currently dissatisfied).
- Trace it back to tanha (think backwards to the moment at which you started feeling dissatisfied).
- Notice the feeling of craving for something. Touch base with that. What does it feel like? Be mindful of it.
- Change the way you think about the situation by putting a positive spin on it. For instance, you felt dissatisfied because your neighbor has a newer, faster car. See that situation in a new light. Maybe you’re happy because actually your neighbor is a cool guy and you’re happy for him. Put a positive spin on it.
- Tell yourself, “My craving / dissatisfaction is just a feeling. There is no reason for it. It’s just what it is.”
These Buddhist techniques help train the mind to stop dissatisfaction and to be happy with what we have.
Let me know how you get on with these.
Write a comment below.