How Your Confidence Reacts When You’re Self-Friendly

how to boost self confidence

Everyone wants to know how to boost self confidence. I mean we’re not all the Rock. But thankfully there’s a painfully obvious way how to build your self confidence. It’s this: Stop being so hard on yourself.

Trust me I know where you’re coming from. You expect a lot of yourself. I know. You want to be great, amazing, the best person ever. But you’re just too… human.

Listen. We all make mistakes. But if you lack self confidence it’s because you focus on your mistakes and you focus on your weaknesses. You’re an awesome person. You just have to stop focusing on your weakness and start embracing your strengths.



The really easy way how to boost self confidence? BE NICE TO YOURSELF!

Low self confidence affects us in every avenue of life, from meeting new people to job interviews, and while it’s easy to place blame elsewhere—on our critics, on the media etc.—in reality, the best place to look is to yourself. While the criticism of others can affects our confidence, it’s self criticism that really hurts.

It’s not hard to see how hard we are on ourselves. Whenever we find ourselves in a pressure situation—be it at work, in social life or elsewhere—we often hear a little voice at the back of our minds saying “You’re not good enough. You wont succeed. Why do you even try?” This voice hurts. It kills our self esteem. If we are to boost our self confidence we need to learn to not be so hard on ourselves.

Sadly, it isn’t necessarily an easy job to silence our inner critic. We can’t just wish our negative selves away. The mind is complex. What we need is to separate negative criticism from objective criticism, to recognise the difference between when we are being fair to ourselves and when we are being too judgmental. It’s also hard to believe that we are being too hard to ourselves. Most of us would never be so hard on others as we are on ourselves. The following exercises will allow you to accept yourself and boost your self confidence easily.


How To Boost Self Confidence By Being Nice To Yourself

So let’s get started being nice to ourselves. And let’s start by getting rid of the part of us that is not nice to ourselves.

We’re going to kill our inner critic. We are going to remove negative thoughts from our minds.

So here’s how to do that.

Go and grab a piece of paper. Or just open OneNote, Word, or whatever you need to make notes.

Now start to record the negative thoughts that go through your mind. And pay particular attention to negative thoughts about yourself.  When you do this you’re going to gain insight into your own mind and you will also start to notice certain beliefs about yourself.

So, sit there for five minutes right now and simply make a record of any negative thoughts that go through your mind.

Now, copy the list, but instead of writing “I am . . . “ put it in second person, saying (for example) “Paul is. . . “

So if you’ve got a list that says…

I am a clown

I have big ears

No one understands me

Change it to

Paul is a clown

Paul has big ears

No one understands Paul.

Now read the second list back to yourself and notice how you feel about each of the statements.

You’re going to notice one obvious thing here. When you repeat those negative thoughts in the third person they seem stupid and it doesn’t take long before you want to stop thinking them. That’s because you’re now reading in third person, which means you’re reading as though you’re talking to someone else. And you would never talk to other people the way you talk to yourself. So stop talking to yourself that way too.

Now. As you read the list, make note of any new criticisms about yourself that come to mind and write those down too.

Let’s move on to the next step.



Now you’re going to start being your own best friend. And this is the best way to boost self confidence 

Put your list of criticisms down to one side and pick up a new piece of paper. On this piece of paper, you’re going to treat yourself as your closest friend would treat you.

Read through each piece of criticism one at a time. Now, on the new piece of paper write a response to the attack, an objective and fair response to your attack, the kind of thing a friend might say.

For instance, if on the first list of paper you wrote, “Paul is too lazy,” you might write, “I have downtimes when I relax and recharge but that doesn’t make me lazy, I still get plenty of work done.”

It’s important to write this new list in FIRST person (using “I” and “ME”)

Perform this exercise and you will boost your self confidence and stop being so hard on yourself.

Within a month of using this exercise once a week you will notice that you have built your self confidence a hell of a lot.




 In a nutshell what this means is that to boost self confidence, stop being a total A-hole to yourself and start being your own best friend.

Take another look at your lists. On the one list you have all the negative things that you say to yourself day in and day out. On the second list you have the responses that you would give if someone said those things to a friend of yours.

What you need to now is start responding to your negative thoughts as though they were about a friend. If you tell yourself you’re fat, imagine that someone had said that to a friend. Then react the way you would react in that situation.

And that is how you can be your own best friend and how you can boost self confidence today. This is one of the best ways you can train your brain to think positively about yourself. And it was painfully obvious, really, wasn’t it?

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