Fact 1: 95% of people think they need to improve their personality.
Fact 2: Ask anyone else, and most people will say you’re fine just as you are.
We all know that being true to ourselves is vital. Still, people want to change. Why?
It’s not because they are bad people with bad personalities.
Scientific research shows that genuinely bad people do not think they need to change themselves.
Bad guys actually think they are good guys.
Psychologist Albert Banudra argued this way:
People who do evil always think they are actually doing good. They have morally justified their evil in their own minds. 
It’s like the famous Leo Tolstoy quote:
Everyone wants to change the world. No one wants to change themselves.”
Except that isn’t quite true.
People with genuinely bad personalities don’t want to change themselves. They’re caught up in the delusional view that the world needs to change and that they themselves are perfect.
But maybe you want to change your personality. [Meditation helps, as we’ll look at below].
But first know this: the fact that you want to chance personality proves that you are a good person. Because only good people focus on changing themselves.
So, pat on the back. Now how do you do it? How do you change personality type? Meditation helps.
There are many ways meditation improves personality.
- Increases emotional intelligence (EQ)
- Makes you smarter
- Makes you kinder / more compassionate
- Stops prejudices
- Helps you overcome your past
In a moment I’ll share the best meditation for your personality type. But first, let’s cover the basics.
What Is Personality? Definition Has Changed From Latin To Today
The term personality comes from the Latin word Persona.
Persona refers to masks that actors wear.
So the meaning of “personality” is that it is a mask we wear over our true, inner selves. (note: this means that we are not our personalities, we are the person behind the mask)
And this is the first way in which meditation improves personality, because when we meditate we drop the mask and we become our true selves.
Words evolve. And the definition of personalty has changed over the years.
Today, personality refers to the feelings, mannerisms, and behaviour of an individual.
“Personality refers to individuals’ characteristic patterns of thought, emotion, and behaviour, together with the psychological mechanisms — hidden or not — behind those patterns,” Funder, D.C. (1997).
So, there are various ways to change personality (based on this definition)
We should focus on:
- Getting an Enlightened Attitude
- and Emotions
Mindfulness improves personality because it makes us more aware of our thoughts, behaviours and attitudes and more in control of them.
But here’s a question: If words evolve, what will the definition of personality be in the future? (Write a comment below).
Where Personality Comes From
The origins of self and of personality are highly debated because so many things affect personality.
Heck, even your name changes your personality (see below).
So where does this whole thing called “Personality” come from?
- Some people believe we are born with personality.
- Others believe we develop personality through experience.
- Some believe personality is a God-given thing.
- And some believe personality is given us by our parents / friends / society etc
No one answer it wholly accurate.
But the following is perhaps the best explanation of personality.
We are born with consciousness.
Consciousness is like a light.
We voluntarily direct our consciousness towards anything we choose. We have the freedom to choose where to focus (where to direct) our consciousness.
Our existence is determined by the relationship between the light (consciousness) and the outside world.
The things we focus on determine the way we interpret the world.
And this is why meditation changes our personality because it actually gives us the power to change what we are focusing on.
[bctt tweet=”What we focus on we become ” username=”t_d_meditation”]
If we focus on our happy faces, for instance, we will come to see the world as a happy place and this will influence our personality as we become more aware-of and more receptive to love.
But circumstances also effect our personality.
We can only focus on what is actually around us. Hence why someone who is born during a war may come to perceive the world as a threat and may very well adopt a defensive personality (by necessity). This is the same way how the season we are born in affects our personality , because people (and the environment) vary at different times of year.
This combination of what we focus on and the world we’re born into causes us to see the world in specific ways.
This, in turn, creates our personal beliefs. Studies show that people focus on things that confirm their beliefs and act in accordance to their beliefs.
How the season you are born in affects your personality
How Circumstance Effect Personality
Imagine two kids:
- A poor African girl called Aberash
- A spoiled girl called Princess
Abaresh is a baby who is born into a starving family in Africa. He is very quickly going to understand that life is a struggle.
Aberash has been born into a world that cannot support her needs. Starvation is a way of life. Hunger, to Aberash, is like punishment. She develops the personal belief: The world is starvation, which is pain and hunger. Because of this, she will learn to distance herself from her sense of hunger, which in turn helps her to distance herself from the pain. This will become part of her personality.
Princess is a spoiled girl. Every time Princess feels hungry she cries, and crying leads to her being given all sorts of yummy food.
To Princess, crying leads to happiness, because whenever she cries she gets what they want. She learns that The world reacts to my needs and gives me what I want when I cry. She will likely grow up to be selfish, expecting everything to be given to her.
Living in Africa, Aberash has learnt that the world can’t support her needs and that starvation is a way of life. But an ultra rich celebrity has visited Africa with Unicef. The celebrity chooses to adopt Aberash and flies her off to her new mansion in Southern California where she is spoilt. Aberash does not believe in acknowledging what she wants or needs. She learnt that by starving in Africa; it’s a deep part of her personality. But our celebrity, let’s call her Angelina (any likeness to real people is mere coincidence) Angelina believes you should get whatever you want, and you should want a lot, because life is like a candy store to her.
She just can’t understand why this kid doesn’t want anything.
Angelina believes that Aberash is unhappy (because what kid doesn’t want tons of stuff) so she buys everything in the toy store.
Aberash has now been taught that when you suffer you end up getting what you want (she was suffering in Africa when she was whisked away to dreamland). This could lead Aberash to becoming brooding, showing a depressive personality because she’s learnt that that’s what gets you the good stuff. Of course, this stage won’t last forever, it will be influenced by more events. (There are so many events that influence the development of personality) 
Meanwhile, Princess was enjoying her spoilt lifestyle.
Princess believes that crying leads to being rewarded. She’s learnt to whine about everything so she gets what she wants.
But uh-oh she’s now eighteen and her parents have kicked her out of her home with no money and no way to support herself. She’s trying to find a job but no one will employ her on account of the fact that she’s never had a job before and doesn’t have a clue about work. Now she’s got nothing and is struggling to survive, even though she’s been brought up to believe that life gives her everything for nothing. Obviously this is going to be a very difficult time in her life. Her sense of self has been totally violated. She probably thinks, at least at first, that life is treating her very unkindly. She didn’t do anything wrong, did she?
Princess develops the belief that life will treat you unkindly for no reason at all. Life, it turns out, is a bit of a bully. It makes you believe that everything is great and then pulls the carpet out from under your feet. The next time something really great happens to Princess she’s going to question it, asking “If I allow myself to be happy again will it just lead to abandonment and suffering?” And of course this has a huge effect on the development of her personality.
As you can see, experience affects personality. But we go through many different experiences in life, and each effects our personality in different ways.
Here’s the big deal:
We are blind to 95% of the attitudes that define our personality. Meditation helps us to recognise those attitudes so we can change them.
The best meditation for this is insight (vipassana). This technique trains us to see within. When we practice vipassana we become aware of our attitudes and we are therefore able to change them.
The Two Delusions That Effect Your Personality
Above we looked at two kids with different personalities: Abarash and Princess.
Not much unites the starving African, Abarash, with the spoilt brat Princess. But there are two very clear ways in which these characters are alike.
The first way is that they look to the past and the future. When Princess believed that life was treating her unfairly, it was because life had spoilt her rotten prior to her being kicked out of the house. Her idea of being treated unfairly is essentially the idea that “Things were previously better than they are now.” It’s only because Princess is focusing on the past, on how things were, that she is made to suffer. If she were to focus 100% on the present moment, she would immediately cast off the idea that “Then was better than now.” She would simply see the present moment as it is, without comparing it to the past.
The second way in which Abarash and Princess are similar is that they both saw the self as separate from the world.
Abarash thought the world was unable to support her. And princess thought the world gives me everything I want. Both characters saw the world as being separate to them. This leads to the delusional idea that The world treats me in this way. The world, however, is not out to treat you in any way. The world is what it is. It’s not intent on spoiling you or starving you. But because our mind demands that we be separate from the world, we see things as a case of The world is doing this to me. There’s a conflict, between the world and ourselves, and that conflict leads to suffering.
But thankfully we can overcome both of these mistakes.
- We can focus on the present moment, which will remove the delusion of the past and future
- and we can develop acceptance, which leads to Buddhist state of oneness, thereby removing the delusional idea that the world is out to treat you in a certain way.
The key to achieving both is through challenging your notion of your self [by practicing self enquiry meditation] and through developing present moment mindedness.
Why No One Understands You
Have you ever wondered why nobody seems to understand you?
It is because your own idea of yourself is nonsense.
You have an impression of yourself in your own mind, but it doesn’t actually exist, so no one else can see it, and it is utterly illogical, so no one else can understand it.
Let’s say for instance that you were someone who was bullied at school for years. You didn’t have many friends and everyone picked on you. There was this one specific way that kids used to bully you. They knew you were lonely, so they’d pretend to be nice to you and then suddenly turn on you and say something nasty. Over time, this caused you to be really wary of people.
Anytime someone is nice to you there’s a voice at the back of your head that says “They don’t mean it. They’re going to hurt me like they used to.”
To your mind this is completely natural.
You’ve learnt that compliments are false and that people who seem to be being nice will end up hurting you. Your life has taught you that. To you it makes perfect sense.
Years later, as an adult, you still can’t trust people who are being nice.
Someone complements you, but you can’t trust them, so you react negatively.
To this, the other person says “I just don’t understand you.” They can’t understand you because they’re being nice, so why aren’t you happy? They don’t know your history. They don’t know that when they say something nice to you, you remember all those kids who bullied you.
It’s a past VS present thing. When we see someone else, unless we know them really well, we don’t know their past. We don’t know the specific way that they view the world.
How To Make People Understand You
To make people understand you, all you have to do is live in the present moment.
If you remove your sense of your self by living a mindful lifestyle, then your past won’t influence your actions.
Here’s two examples that will make this perfectly clear.
Imagine two people enter a room and meet for the first time.
Both people have an idea of their selves and both are living in the past. In other words, they’re not basing their actions just on the present moment but on their past experiences.
It would be very difficult for these two people to get along because they’re viewing the world in different ways. Their past actions have given them a biased view of the world, and they’re no longer acting upon the present moment but instead they are acting based on their delusional view of things. They’re not living in the same world. They’re living in two different worlds which have been created in their minds. They’re not seeing the same things. How are they going to communicate effectively? They most likely won’t unless their past experiences are similar and life has led them both to have similar views of the world.
Now imagine two other people meet for the first time. Both of these people are enlightened. They don’t have an idea of their selves and they act only upon the present moment. They’re not swayed by the past. They see only the present moment, precisely as it is. Both these people see the exact same world. It’s amazingly easy for them to communicate effectively.
The Quick Way To Improve Your Personality: Change Your Name
Your name effects your personality and your life in many ways.
Recent research  has revealed that your name has a big affect on your life. There are six key ways how your name affects your personality and life. All have been proven by scientific research.
Researchers looked a Census data and discovered that a person’s name influence whether they moved home or even moved country, and what kind of career they were likely to follow. They discovered that people favour things that resemble their own names.
Georgia’s, for instance, are likely to move to Georgia simply because it’s their name. And because of the similar sound, people called Dennis have a higher chance of becoming dentists.
The psychological science behind this is based on implicit egotism, a mental phenomena that means you will probably favour things that remind you of yourself.
Here are 6 ways your name affects your personality and life
1.Your name affects the people you’re attracted to and the people you end up with
Researchers looked at the marriage records for different states. What they noticed was that people are more inclined to marry people with similar second names. That’s why Mrs Harris married Mr Harrison.
The researchers also asked a group of men to rate women on how attractive they were. The results showed that women with surnames that include the same letters as the man’s surname are more likely to be attracted to each other.
2. Your name affects the political group you vote for
Who did you vote for at the last election?
Odds are that if a candidate had a similar name to yours, you voted for them.
The researchers looked at the results of the 2000 election and found that people whose name began with a B were a lot more likely to vote for Bush, where people whose name began with a G were more inclined to vote for Gore.
With the current election we’re hearing more reference to candidate’s first names. So you will be more likely to vote for a candidate whose name begins with the same letter as your first name.
3. Your name affects the brands you like on Facebook
Your name will not affect the specific product you buy, mostly because we don’t hear a product’s general name all that often. We hear “Pepsi” more often than we hear “cola”, for instance. But because of this, we are more likely to favour brands that are associated with our name.
If your name is Sonny, for instance, you might prefer the brand Sony. Or if you’re a Samson you might like Samsung.
Researchers looked at the way people’s names affected the crackers they liked. They found that Elizabeth’s like Elioki, while Jonathon’s prefer Jonoki.
4. Your name affects your employer
This one is truly eye-opening. If you’re applying for jobs right now you might find that companies that have a name similar to yours have a higher statistical probability of hiring you.
Researchers studies the names of individuals hired by specific companies. They found that companies will probably hire people who have names that sound similar, or that have the same first letter, as the company’s name. You might wonder what you’re supposed to do here—change your name based on every job application?
How many Fords are working for Ford right now? And how many Thorntons package chocolate?
5. This one is shocking. But your name affects your likelihood of succeeding in life
Probably the most important way how your name affects your personality and life revolves around success.
Research shows that your name can significantly affect your chances of succeeding in life.
Researchers aren’t sure why this is the case. They believe that if a specific outcome sounds like your name you will be more inclined to experience that outcome in your life.
Does that mean that Richards are more likely to be rich? If you’re Walter are you wealthy? If you’re Harper are you happy?
Researchers discovered that baseball players whose first name begins with K (which stands for Strike Out) will probably strike out more. Students whose names began with an A or a B were more likely to achieve those grades. Anna? Did you ace your exam? Fiona? Did you flunk?
6. Your name affects how much you give to charity
Your name effects your personality so much that it even change your charitable donations.
Studies show that people whose name begins with K will give money to hurricane Katrina charities. Kathyrn, how much money did you give?
People with names beginning with W are more likely to give to the World Wildlife Fund. William. Thanks for your charitable contributions.
And people with the name Pete will probably give money to Peta. So thanks, Pete.
How has your name affected your personality? And can you see these patterns in your friends? Ask your Facebook friends whether their personality has been affected by their names too!
5 Ways To Improve Your Personality
- Discover your chakra personality with this test!
1: Practice self reflection
Ask yourself my self reflection questions. These will give you a healthy perspective of yourself.
In particular, ask yourself what the good parts of your personality are.
Remember, only decent people ever consider that they might need to change. Bad people think the world needs to change.
- Write a list of all the great parts of your personality.
Go ahead. Do it now. If you don’t do it right now and instead say “I’ll do it later” you probably never will do it.
2: Write a list of things you do want to change
Write a list of all the things you want to change.
- Your career
- Your relationships.
- Anything else you might like to change
Done it? All right. So those things on your list, they’re the aspects of yourself you’re not happy with, right? They’re the things you want to change, yes? Okay. Keep that list with you.
3: Find one person that has one quality you want and compliment them for it
You’re on Facebook, right? Okay cool, that’s going to help you a lot here. I want you to find one person on your friends list that has one trait that you wish you had. Go ahead and LIKE our Facebook page at the same time.
Now, find someone who doesn’t do the thing you do that you don’t like (e.g one of the things from part 2) and does something better instead.
Found the person?
Send them a message. Tell them that you think they’re great because they do that one thing that you don’t do, the one thing you wish you did do.
Go on. Do it. I promise that you’re going to feel great as soon as you do this.
Done it? Okay cool.
4: Wait for them to respond. And then listen to them
You now have to wait for that person to respond to the compliment you just gave them. They’re going to be really happy that you complimented them (presuming you gave a nice compliment, that is). And they’re going to want to talk about it. Why? Because people love talking about things they’re good at.
And here’s the really amazing thing.
That person is the number one person in your life who is capable of giving you the trait that you want.
If you wish you exercised more, your pro-exercise friend is your role model for that one trait. If you wish you were socially confident, your really sociable friend is your role model for that, and so on.
As soon as that person gets back in contact with you on Facebook, they’re going to start talking to you about the thing they do well. They will probably open up to you and tell you all sorts of things about the positive trait. They’ll tell you why they’re confident or fit or hard working or whatever, they’ll tell you how they feel when they do that thing they do, they’ll tell you everything.
5: Listen to them
If you chat over Facebook, pay close attention to what they say. But it is better if you can get that person to meet up for a chat sometime. Trust me they’ll probably still talk to you about their special trait (unless they’re very humble). When they speak, listen to them. This is your personal role model (for that one trait) telling you how to do the thing you wish you could do. Listen. Their words are like pure gold.
In your circle of friends you have people who are amazing at the things you wish you were amazing at. You have people with the personality traits you wish you had. Talk to them about it. And listen.
The Best Meditation For Your Personality Type
What is the best meditation technique for you?
Take a look at this epic guide to 31 meditation techniques.
How do you know which one is best for you?
Simple: We’ll show you.
Simply pick your personality typed from the list below and we will reveal the best meditation for you.
Rules of the game:
- Pick your personality type
- Read the description
- Give the specified meditation a shot.
Trust us, this is going to make you feel amazing.
Pick Your Personality Type Then Try Your Best Meditation
I’m just so excited I can’t sit still!
You’re the life of the party. You’re constantly doing crazy things. When people are around you they feel excited and entertained.
But damn if there aren’t times when you would do anything to just relax and be focused.
You will also find these concentration-meditations hugely beneficial.
You’re a quiet person. And quiet people are often the most powerful people around. You keep to yourself like, always. You don’t like to speak unless spoken to. And if you’re honest, you are kind shy. Sometimes you wish you could just let go and be a loud person, just for a little while, just to see what it’s like.
Well now you can!
There’s one meditation technique that will let your beautiful inner-voice out. It’s called “Open Monitoring Meditation”. It’s a technique that gets you out of your thoughts and more into the real world. It’s very liberating!
Extremely kind person:
You are the absolute kindest person on the planet. You’re so kind that you never stop giving. You give to family. You give to friends. You give to absolute strangers. And everyone loves you for it!
Oh. You probably don’t give enough to yourself though.
Most extremely kind people give to everyone else except themselves.
Time to change.
Today you are going to give to you. You’re going to treat yourself. You’re going to lavish love on you.
You’re going to do Loving Kindness Meditation.
Loving Kindness Meditation is all about creating love and positive feelings for people. It’s often done to make us feel good about others. But you already love everyone! That’s why you’re going to do loving kindness focusing on yourself.
Read this awesome guide to Loving Kindness Meditation and give it a shot. You’re going to love it!
Highly sensitive empath:
You are the most in-tune person you know. You’re so aware of other people’s thoughts and feelings. You have a super power. It’s the super-power known as empathy.
Empathy is great. Because you’re an empath you know so much about other people.
Problem with being an empath is it’s hard to tune off. And it can be exhausting!
Sometimes you need to be able to let go of other people’s emotions so you can relax.
That’s why you’re going to do Mindfulness Meditation.
Mindfulness Meditation is a technique that trains the mind to stay in the present moment. That way, you can safeguard yourself from those emotions that sometimes get the better of you.
Read my ultimate guide for empathetic people for tons of great tips to make life as an empath easier.
“I’m the king of the world!”:
You’re the king / queen of the world. You focus on you. And because of that you’re successful, healthy, good-looking, and everyone thinks highly of you.
Now that you’ve perfected yourself, it’s time to enjoy and appreciate other people. It’s time to be about others.
That’s why you’re going to practice Karuna Meditation. This is a powerful old Buddhist technique that trains the mind to be highly compassionate. With this technique you will find a new level of happiness as you connect with other people more than ever before.
I already know it all!
So you already know everything and I’m basically wasting my breath here because nothing I could say could impress you.
You’re bored of the trivialities of life. You long for something deeper. You’ve already meditate before and frankly, what’s the point.
My friend, it’s time for you to go deeper.
In that link are my secret deep meditations for people like you who want to experience something more.
Or you could just try Merkaba if you’re feeling brave.
I’m bored of the superficiality of existence to be honest
To you, life is plastic and this whole world is one big exercise in vanity.
You wish you could let go of it all, chuck out the credit cards, not worry about work, find some trans-dimensional wonderland where things were… more enlightened.
My friend you just might be interested in Huna.
Classy to a fault:
You are so classy you’re basically on a pedestal. Look at you, so high above the world. Everyone looks up to you. You’re a role model for all your friends and family.
It can be lonely at the top, though. And sometimes you just want to let your hair down and go nuts.
That’s why you’re about t experience complete personal liberation.
You’re going to do Osho’s Dynamic Meditation Techniques. You will be nervous of this technique when you try it. Don’t be. I promise: this is going to make you feel absolutely sensational.
You’re so romantic you know everyone of Shakespeare’s sonnets by heart. “Shall I compare thee to a rose?” “Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo? Deny thy father and—”
Everyone loves you because you’re so rich in spirit and so romantic. It’s like you have ten times the amount of soul as all your friends and family.
Old scars heal slowly, though. And the romantic life can be a painful one.
There are many meditations that you can use to transform your love life and to find intimacy in your relationships.
All business. No games:
Your career is a long line of successes and your bank account is extra chunky. Everyone respects you because you are pure business.
Being all business all the time can be a real drainer, though. Sometimes you would love to have a laugh and just feel a sense of fun, you know?
Well you are about to feel all the joy, happiness, and fun you could want. How? You’re going to practice Smiling Buddha Meditation.
This meditation technique creates joy deep in your soul.
Learn Smiling Buddha Meditation . You will love it. It is the very best meditation for your personality type.
AHHHHHHH! I’m stressed and I need to chill right now
You are pretty stressed, huh? What you need is a serious spot of relaxation. Some inner Zen. A little serenity, you know?
Sound impossible, doesn’t it? I hear ya. Life is so stressful and budy it can be hard to chiill.
There are tons of relaxing meditations that will make ever you chill out.
Atheist / Agnostic
If you’re an atheist or agnostic and you just hate the idea of doing anything remotely spiritual, you can still meditate.
The world is more enlightened about meditation today. And today, all kinds of people are meditating.
So if this is you, take a look at my guide to non-religious meditation for atheists and agnostics.
Meditation isn’t for me, sorry
If you truly think meditation is not for you, can I change your mind? I challenge you to read my definition of mindfulness . And then tell me that meditation is not for you.
These meditations will be the most fun thing you’ve done all day. They are incredibly good for your mind and they will boost your wellbeing in just 20 minutes.
Let me know how much fun, happiness and sheer relaxation you got out of these meditation techniques.
Write a comment.
Paul Harrison is a meditation teacher, author and journalist based in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada. Paul has helped thousands of people to discover their true potential. Don’t miss Paul’s inspirational and enlightening book: Your Best Meditation