In this terrible time of global pandemic, when nobody seems to have enough toilet paper, it is time that we changed our perspective, time that we expressed gratitude for the miracle of toilet paper in our lives.
Toilet paper has been being abused recently. Torn from shelves. Swiped from public washrooms. Wiped on butts. And then flushed down the crapper. And never given so much as a “thank you”.
I say no more!
Let us recognise the miracle of Charmin. That soft, squishy wonder that is always there for us anytime we need to poop.
I propose a global meditation on toilet paper. Please spend just five or ten minutes today showing your love for the “crapper wrapper”.
Here is how.
The Toilet Paper Meditation
1: Take T.P from the shelf with love
Don’t just grab toilet paper from the shelves. Remember that toilet paper is, well, paper. It’s trees. It comes from nature. It should be taken down delicately, held with warmth and love. And welcomed to the family home in a gentle way, the way you’d welcome a little puppy into your family.
2: Mindfully meditate on the “crapper wrapper”
Take one single roll of toilet paper out of the packet. Hold it. Mindfully meditate on it. Feel its softness, its smoothness. Smell the fresh scent of a new roll of toilet paper.
Remember how toilet paper was once trees. It is part of nature. It is given to us by mother nature. Observe how toilet paper is as much a part of life as you or me.
3: Use T.P mindfully
We need to protect the toilet paper, because the shelves are empty. Imagine what it would be like to be taking a poop when you reach for toilet paper only to realise there is none there! This is the horror millions of people are facing around the world. Experts call it the “No T.P Reality”. So if you are one of the people fortunate enough to have toilet paper, use it mindfully, sparingly, making the most of every leaf.
4: Be one with the toilet paper
Before you and your toilet paper are bonded in the physical way, in those cleaning wipes of the bum, make sure you become one with the toilet paper spiritually. Feel it. Hold it. Meditate on it. Buddhists use a method called Samatha meditation to become one with objects. Yogis use Dhyana. Why not become one with the toiler paper. Let your spiritual self merge with the quality of the Charmin. Feel oneness with the T.P.
4: Wipe with love
I call an end to careless wiping. No more shall we slap that T.P on our butts and wipe without mercy. We must wipe with love. Take a single sheet of toilet paper and mindfully move it around your sphincter. Observe how the toilet paper cleanses the bottom, like rain cleansing the earth.
5: Express gratitude with the flush
When you flush, express gratitude for the purity of toilet paper. It has cleansed your bum. It has removed that which was dirty. It has cleaned you. Without the Charmin, the bum would still be dirty. That is the miracle of the toilet paper. So, when you flush, express gratitude for what toilet paper has given you.
Say with me, “I am grateful for toilet paper in my life. I will cherish it. I will use it wiseley and mindfully. I am one with the toilet paper.”
It’s time we showed our long-time friend, ye olde toilet paper, the love and respect it deserves.