Relationships can be magical. Relationship anxiety, however, can cause you to stay up all night for the wrong reasons. It can make you sweat but not in a good way. It can cause you to feel constantly stressed.
Thankfully, meditation can help. Indeed, you can use meditation to stop anxiety of any kind.
There are many wonderful benefits of meditation for relationship anxiety. And in this guide I am going to show you what those benefits are and how you can get them. By the end of this article you will know how to use meditation for relationship anxiety and you will gain control over your anxiety.
But there’s one question you might be wondering. Just what is relationship anxiety? And what the hell do you do about it? [Incidentally, if you it is your significant other who has anxiety, use these tips for helping your lover with anxiety]
What Is Relationship Anxiety?
Relationship anxiety is simply anxiety and worry about relationships. And let’s be brutally honest about this: even though love is magical there are many reasons why you might feel anxious about relationships. And part of this could be because of who you are with, especially if they are using gaslighting techniques on you.
Even the very best relationships carry with them the fear of losing your loved one. Indeed, in many ways the better a relationship is the more there is to be worried about because there is more potential for loss (lose a crap relationship and hey, who cares. Lose the perfect romance and you’re crushed).
It’s sad, but the truth is there are very many reasons why you might feel anxiety about a relationship.
- Feel anxious about whether the other person likes you before the relationship begins. In which case you might like to know meditation actually meditation makes you more attractive.
- Have performance anxiety the first time you make love.
- Worry whether they’re cheating on you.
- Worry you wont be able to conceive [hint: use these techniques for conception]
- Worry that they don’t feel as strongly as you do
- Feel anxiety because you’re worried marriage will change them
- Worry that they will become ill and die and you’ll be alone
I’m going to stop now because you probably feel like crap after reading that list, right? But the painful truth of it is this: love is anxiety. Because the more you love, the more you potentially have to lose, and ultimately anxiety is all about fear of failure and loss, both of which are vrery much possible in relationships.
But I’m not trying to crush your spirits. So enough with the bad news. Here is the good news: There are lots of ways to stop worrying about relationships. And one of the best things to do is to start using meditation for relationship-anxiety.
What Causes Relationship Anxiety
There are many causes of relationship anxiety.
Ultimately, relationship anxiety is not dissimilar to other forms of anxiety. When we worry too much our inner voice starts to turn against us. We start to think negatively about ourselves and maybe about our partner. This can make you think and act in suspicious ways, which can have a negative impact on the relationship.
How many relationships have ended with the divorce lawyer’s just because of negative thinking? The answer is: Too damn many! Negativity and distrust are some of the main reasons for relationship breakdowns [source]. And they are usually the result of relationship-anxiety.
Anxiety actually changes the way you perceive your relationship. For instance, your partners calls to say that they’ll be back late from work. It’s a small trivial thing, but you might worry they’re cheating on you. It’s a classic example of catastrophizing.
Anxiety often causes us to catastrophize. We start to see the worst possible explanations for everything [they hate us / they’re cheating on us / we’re going to break-up] when reality is usually much simpler [they’re busy / they’re at work / it’s a small disagreement instead of an argument].
One of the great things about using meditation for relationship anxiety is that it helps us to see through these anxious thoughts. We’re able to take a step back and say, “Nah. They’re probably not cheating. They’re just busy with that deadline at work”.
The Effect of Relationship Anxiety
In a moment I’ll help you to start using meditation to make relationship anxiety stop. But first, let’s take a look at some of the signs of relationship anxiety.
If you have relationship anxiety you might act in these ways:
Clinging: Relationship anxiety can cause us to cling to our significant other because we want to stop them from leaving us.
Control: If we worry about what our partner may do we will be tempted to try and control them.
Rejection: Many people would rather reject a relationship than endure lasting anxiety.
Lack of emotional intimacy: Relationship anxiety can cause us to withdraw ourselves because we are worried that if we open up we will get hurt.
Punishing: If we think are partners are hurting us or will hurt us we may lash out in response and punish them, even if they have not actually done anything wrong.
Why you should use meditation for relationship anxiety
In my experience, there are many wonderful benefits of using meditation for relationship anxiety.
- It massively reduces stress
- It helps you see things more clearly
- It can help you to relax even when something is wrong
- It boosts your confidence
- It helps you realise you’re being paranoid
- It gives you more control of your mind
- Certain meditations (like Loving Kindness / Metta Bhavana) will actually make you feel more of the love your partner gives you
- It makes you more compassionate towards your partner (and towards yourself)
- It can stop panic attacks
- And if the relationship actually does end up breaking down and if you lose your loved one, it gives you the strength to move on.
Awesome. So how do you do it? Let me show you how.
How To Use Meditation For Relationship Anxiety Relief
If you have been suffering from relationship anxiety, meditation will help.
There are many different ways in which you can use meditation to stop the effects of relationship anxiety and to improve your relationship. It can help you find love and it can help you to keep it.
Take a look at my list of the best meditation techniques to get started.
If your anxiety is about intimacy:
Very many people suffer from sexual anxiety. Hey, it’s natural. If it is the first time you have been with someone and you deeply care about how they feel, it is only natural that you will have some anxiety.
Meditation helps by relaxing you and calming your mind. Try some simple breathing meditations. And if you want to completely change your sex life, use these meditations for couples.
If your relationship anxiety involves negative self talk / self criticism
Relationship anxiety often involves negative self talk.
You may think you are not good enough to be with the person you love. You might think you are not beautiful enough or intelligent enough. And if you continue to think such negative thoughts they will have a devastating affect on your mental health.
If your relationship anxiety is about distrust
Relationship anxiety often involves distrust. Maybe you’re worried they’re cheating on you, or you’re worried they will leave you, or you just don’t trust them to be there for you.
More often than not, distrust is based on paranoia. Your mind convinces you that you can’t trust the person you love. Over time this will make your relationship disintegrate.
So, what do you do about it?
Start to challenge your negative thoughts. One of the best ways to do this is with some mindfulness-based CBT exercises.
If you’re terrified of breaking up
If you’re simply scared of breaking up, always remember that you are good enough by yourself. Don’t ever believe your own bullshit. You are strong enough to be alone even if it hurts.
Reality is this though: your relationship probably will not end, just so long as you get your anxiety under control.
I’d recommend reading the guides I’ve linked to in this article. They’ll give you the power to stop being afraid of breaking up.
Don’t let your relationship anxiety be the death of your relationship.
I hope you’ve found this guide helpful. Leave a comment and remember to subscribe.