- Everyone wants to know how to be more successful. And the self improvement world focuses on your mind. But the best mindset for success is outside yourself.
- Before you read the success tips below, do these five things:
- The Best Tips For Success
- The Six Things You DO. . . IF You’re A Successful Person
- 2: Successful People Have Self Belief
- 6: Failure? What’s That?
Everyone wants to know how to be more successful. And the self improvement world focuses on your mind. But the best mindset for success is outside yourself.
So you want to know how to be a more successful person?
Now, before you go reading a bunch of self improvement books and checking out online self help courses, stop.
There is one tragic mistake that everyone who is into self improvement and self help makes: placing too much emphasis on desire.
Let’s say an individual wishes to be rich. Many self help “gurus” would offer advice a lil’ something like this:
Typical Self Help Tip: Be specific, say precisely how much money you want, set a date you want to get the money by, imagine yourself getting it.
The above is a classic technique in NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), a technique which has been scientifically slammed for years but which still rears its ugly head in many a self help book.
It sounds flipping fantastic. You can just imagine yourself getting something and hey presto! it’s yours.
But then you realise that you’re not living in Hogwarts and life isn’t anything like Harry Potter. Besides, you don’t know magic.
You’re also focusing on desire, which is an extremely unwise thing to do. This is not the right way how to be a more successful person.
Why Most Self Help Tip Simply Don’t Work
I used to try this sort of bullshit NLP / self help technique all the time. Never worked. I was committed, I did precisely what the books said. Nothing happened. Just wasted time. In fact, not only did I not get what I wanted but I became less happy. Why? Because I was focusing on desire.
Realistically, you can’t make things happen just by thinking about them. Your thoughts do no control reality. The only thing that happens when you force yourself to focus on getting what you want, is that you become less appreciative of what you have, which is no way to be happy and no way to be successful in life. (If you really want to know how to be successful in life, read this).
Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.
Sitting there forcing yourself to desire something is neither getting what you want, nor wanting what you get.
If you want money (for instance) you have to go and get it in the real world. It wont just come to you from your mind, from your Yoda-esque force powers. Nah. Not gonna happen. That is simply not the right way how to be a more successful person.
But that’s doesn’t mean you cant use your mind to become successful. It just means this:
You can’t use your mind to obtain things outside your mind. The best mindset for success is getting out of your own mind.
You can’t get money from your mind. You can’t get love from your mind. You can’t get a job from your mind. Why? Because those things don’t exist in your mind.
You cannot obtain external things from your mind because they don’t exist in your mind. But what can you achieve with your mind?
But there still is an immense power of the subconscious mind.
So what can you achieve with your mind?
Well, logically, you can achieve anything that exists in your mind. You can use your mind to control your personality.
Say you want money. You can’t get it from your mind, but you can get hardwork, hustle, determination and other qualities from your mind, and these qualities will in turn lead to money.
By focusing on the qualities of your mind, by using your mind to change your mind, you can take control of your external reality.
So here’s the real way how to become a successful person.
Use your mind. But focus on attitude, not results.
If you want money, visualise yourself being hardworking, being productive, being determined, having hustle. This will develop these qualities in your mind, making you get up off your ass, work your butt off and make it happen.
You want love. Visualise yourself as being a highly loving and highly socialable person. This will make you get out there and meet people, be expressive of your feelings and this, in turn, will make love far more likely to come your way.
You want health, visualise yourself making healthy decisions, valuing your body and so on.
The bottom line is this. Stop living in fantasy land where your mind is a magic cauldron in which you can conjure up anything you desire. Your mind is a mind. That’s all. Use your mind to make your mind stronger. Period.
Before you read the success tips below, do these five things:
- Don’t simply read, IMPLEMENT: So you’ve read a self improvement tip on a self improvement website. You liked the advice you read there and want more of it. But STOP! Instead of just going off and reading a thousand and one self improvement tips, read one self improvement tip then give yourself the time to actively implement it. Advice without application is like a flower without water. It’s only going to die.
- Don’t do anything that seems too hard: When you’re trying something new, it’s usually a mistake to start off too difficult. That way leads to errors and failures that demotivate. Start with easy to use self improvement tips. Read one tip, check you’re realistically able to do it, do it, succeed in it, then pick up another self improvement tip.
- You won’t ever be perfect. Stop trying: You will never ever ever be perfect. Trying to be perfect is a killer mistake. When you expect perfection you’re only ever going to be disappointed. Being constantly disappointed isn’t going to make you happy or successful.
- Struggle is inevitable: Don’t make the mistake of thinking that just because something feels like a bit of a struggle that it’s the wrong thing. When you go to the gym, you have to struggle a little to work your muscles to get stronger. The same is true for self improvement tips. A little struggle is necessary and will make you stronger.
- Reading is not self improvement: This is a little similar to the first tip but bears repeating. Self improvement is FOUND in books but IMPLEMENTED in real life. Reading a book by itself is worthless. For every hour you spend reading a book, spend two hours implementing the advice you read.
And you’re done. Using these five self improvement tips / warnings will ensure that you get the most out of your own self improvement programs.
The Best Tips For Success
Habit 1:Conquering a fear like a champion
Your fears are roadblocks holding you back from becoming what you want to be.
When you face a fear you have two choices. Choice one is to run away from the fear. You don’t go to the dentist because you’re worried about your teeth. So your teeth get worse until a minor problem is suddenly a root canal.
Choice two is to overcome the fear and act in spite of it. You go to the dentist and get your teeth done. Maybe it hurts a little, ickle bit. But soon the problem is copletely done and dusted.
So which strategy is going to be better for you in the long run? Facing the fear, of course.
It takes 21days to change a habit, according to Maria Popova over at BrainPickings.org. So by the time you get to day 21 of facing your fears, you will have taught yourself to conquer any fear that comes your way. You’ll learn that fears aren’t a big deal. Soon you’ll be fearless. Imagine how much more powerful you would be without fear! To quite Trace Dominquez from Testtube.com “If you didn’t have any fear, you would probably die…” Thanks Trace! (Actually you should check out that link, he makes some really great points regarding the role of fear in your life).
Habit 2: Don’t focus on that huge gap between you and your goals. Focus on where you are now and what you can do right now.
Count the baby steps. They’ll add up to success.
You know what holds most people back from having the body they really want? The fact that they don’t focus on the exercise that they could do now, they focus on all the things they can’t do. They don’t focus on how healthy they are, but how healthy they want to be.
You’re probably at least reasonable healthy right now, right? But you want to be super fit. In your mind you see the massive gap between where you are and where you want to be. And that gap seems so big that you decide it’s impossible.
Now imagine if you didn’t focus on that gap. Imagine if you just focused on exercising a bit more.
You could do that, right?
If you’re fit right now, you can add a little bit more exercise, a manageable amount of exercise. By gradually increasing the amount of exercise you’re doing you would gradually achieve the body you want.
Don’t focus on the massive gap between you and your goal. Just focus on gradually improving a little bit. Focus on what you can do today.
Habit 3: Spend way more time focusing on how you can help other people
There’s one psychological guarantee in life that I think is a real eye-opener. That guarantee is that if you do nice things for other people other people will do nice things for you.
Kindness is contagious. That’s been psychologically proven. So if you are kind to other people and you help other people achieve what they want, they will be kind to you and help you achieve what you want. And that way everyone wins.
Not to mention the fact that kindness is unbelievably good for your health [one reason you might want to practice Loving Kindness Meditation]. Kindness can even ward off certain ailments and illnesses.
And yes, being kind is just… awesome. It’s the trait of the enlightened.
Habit 4: Are you talking to you? Then be nice about it FFS
Way too many people talk to themselves in less than exemplary fashion.
Positive self talk is one of the most important everyday habits for success.
You do something wrong so you go all mental at yourself in your own head. Nah. Science has proven how damaging negative self talk can be. Writing for WebMD, Joanne Barker says, “Self-talk isn’t just mindless chatter. It has a way of creating its own reality. Telling yourself you can do something can help it happen. Telling yourself you can’t do something can make that come true.”
To be happy, productive, and successful, you have to stop trashing on yourself.
Funny thing is, you’re probably a nice person, right? Your friends probably think you’re really friendly and kind. Because, let’s face it, every time you talk to someone else you treat them special.
But then you get to talking to yourself. And oh snap if you don’t half change in a split second.
You don’t talk to yourself like you talk to other people. You’re lovely to everyone else. Then you treat yourself like crud and put yourself down.
Quit it. Just quit it. That attitudes not going to get you anywhere.
You’ve got to be your own best friend. You’ve got to love yourself.
No, really. This is important. You’ve got to show yourself the kindness you show other people, all right? Just do it.
Habit 5: Use those two things on the side of your head more.
One of the most obvious everyday habits for success is just to listen.
You know those people who jabber on and on and on and never let you get a word in edge-ways.
Whew-eeeee those people can test your patience.
Everyone gets annoyed with people who can’t listen. And people who can’t listen are in danger of not having a jiminy crickets what the who is going on.
So use your ears more.
Actually, to be fair, if you’re one of our Facebook followers then you probably are a good listener. Because honestly almost all our followers are awesome.
But even if you’re a good listen, you can still be better.
The better you get at listening the more aware you’ll be. It’s like stepping into The Matrix, having good hearing. When you shut up and listen you’re suddenly so alive to what’s occurring around you.
Oh, and plus, people love good listeners. So… there’s that.
Habit 6: Get out of your head and into the world
Another of the most important every day habits for success is to stay out of your own head.
If there’s one habit that separates all those oh so happy successful people from the rest it’s this: they’re not suck in their own head.
Most people’s heads are like Chinese finger traps. You know, those tubes that you stick your finger in and the more you fight it the stickier it gets. The only way out is to relax. Then your finger is freed.
Same deal with the human mind. The more you fight what’s going on in your mind the more trapped you’ll become.
How to be successful in life Truth 1: Live Now:
If there are any younger people reading this then I hope this truly impresses upon you: live now. Honestly, as a 30 year old guy, a LOT of my time has been spent thinking about tomorrow. Tomorrow never came. All tomorrow ever was was an excuse to put things back and back and back. Tomorrow (and time in general) is the BIGGEST lie in the world. You must live NOW. Now is all there is. These days, any time I think about doing something tomorrow I go and meditate on the present moment for at least 10 minutes. Anyway, the point is, tomorrow will never come. Your entire live is held in a magical moment called NOW.
How to be successful in life Truth 2: THIS is THIS:
Anybody who practices mindfulness will know exactly what I’m talking about here. You have to accept things AS THEY ARE. You have to see what is directly in front of your face.
That sounds easy, yet it is one of the hardest things to do. We all see things in a biased light. When we’re feeling positive we see things as we want them to be. When we’re feeling negative we see things as they’re afraid of them being. Times are relatively few when we see a pot as a pot and a hammer as a hammer. See things as they are. Accept things as they are. Only by having the guts and the fortitude to look life in the face will you ever truly gain power over life.
How to be successful in life Truth 3: You don’t exist:
Okay, let’s not go getting into metaphysics or anything crazy like that here, but the simple truth is that you don’t exist. OR, rather, the idea of you doesn’t exist.
What the HECK do I mean by that? Well, the idea we have of our personalities (nice, nasty, polite, rude, compassionate, uncaring, intelligent, stupid. . . ) is nothing more than an idea. People are flexible enough to be anything they choose to be. You should NEVER limit yourself to being a set personality.
To put it another way, let me quote Yoda: “Luminous beings are we. Not this crude matter.” Or let me quote Bruce Lee: “Be like water moving through cracks.” Or heck even Street Fighter (the video game) says the same thing: return it all to nothing (Ryu’s opening sequence in the original SF4). Buddha says it (the Buddhist philosophy of Sunyata), Lao Tzu says it. . . . It all comes down to one thing: you have the capacity to be anything you choose to be, so never set yourself as a concrete-personality.
These are the basics of how to be successful in life. Live now. See s**t as what it is. Be infinite (accept your own flexibility and don’t be confined by a sense of ME).
With these three basic fundamental building blocks of success you can build the life you want.
I recognise that I have hastily spewn some heavy subjects on the table here and have perhaps not explained these three immutable truths as well as I could. That’s why I posting this recommended reading list of the best books on each of the three truths.
Habit 1: Being Proactive
We are all responsible for our own lives and though we may often make statements like, “I could if only. . .” “I will when. . . “ “Yeah but. . . “ reality is that we are the sum total of the decisions we make and the things we do. Successful people take absolute responsibility for their lives, they take control of their realities and make things happen. Pro activeness is a huge part of how to become successful in life, so get in this rule today.
How To Get in the Habit: Do something. Even if you cannot do everything you might want to do right now, perform some action. This will get you in the rule of acting rather than thinking and will snowball into bigger, more important actions later on.
Science has proven that the best way to change your life is with little but positive steps. Do something positive right away.
Movie Character Who Inspires the Habit: Andy Dufresne
In The Shawshank Redemption, Andy Dufresne is a prisoner who faces depression when he has to face the reality of spending life behind bars, but Andy picks himself up and take proactive steps, first to improve the quality of life in the prisoner (by playing music to the inmates and building the library) and later through his step-by-step progress towards freedom. The Shawshank Redemption has inspired millions, and one of the key ways it’s inspired people is by urging them to take control of their lives, wherever they may be, and work towards their dreams, whether they be dreams of freedom, of health, of financial success or any other ambition.
Get busy living, or get busy dying. [Andy Dufesne quote]
How To Become successful in Life, Habit 2: Begin With The End
By always having in mind the goal we wish to attain we force our actions to work towards that goal progressively. For instance, should someone wish to be a bestselling author (like me J ) then they should envision what it would be like to see their bestselling book in the book store. This end goal helps to provide motivation and makes us continually work towards what we really want in life. Motivation is a huge part of how to become successful in life, so get in this rule today.
How to get in the Habit: Imagine this is the last day of your life. You are an old person, having lived a healthy and positive life. Look back on your life, imagining that everything you wanted to happen did happen.
Movie Characters Who Will Inspire the Habit: Frodo & Sam
Frodo and Sam don’t know much about the lands they must journey through in The Lord of the Rings; they’ve never stepped outside the Shire. The only thing they know is that they have a mission; first to get to the The Prancing Pony and later to hurl the ring of power into Mount Doom. Knowing only their quest, Frodo and Sam set out on an adventure that will have them come across friend and foe, forests and marshlands, all of which they pass through with their goal in mind: to get to Mount Doom.
“There is some good in this world. And it’s worth fighting for” [Sam Quote]
How To Become successful in Life, Habit 3: Prioritise
Highly successful people are able to prioritise, to set aside what they want in the moment for what they want in the future and to place importance above urgency. They continually strive for a goal that is personally important to them and they reshape their time, effort and actions towards the accomplishment of those goals. Prioritising is a huge part of how to become successful in life, so get in this rule today.
How to get in the Habit: Make a plan of campaign for the next week, a logical set of steps that will lead you to a positive conclusion at the end of the week and live for seven days according to the plan. At the end of the week, look back on the plan and change any areas that could be more effective / productive. Rinse and repeat.
Movie Character Who Will Inspire the Habit: Jim Garrison
In JFK, Jim Garrison is set the gargantuan task of bringing to justice those responsible for the Kennedy assassination. The take is one that is immensely important to Jim Garrison; it literally defines his existence. He begins with a vague idea of how to carry out his task, but over the three hours of the film he must continually reshape both his plan and his vision as he comes across a constant line of hurdles.
“Let justice be done though the heavens fall” [Jim Garrison Quote]
How To Become Successful in Life, Habit 4: Think Win-Win
Highly successful people think in terms of win-win, realising that a resolution that benefits all involved is better than a resolution benefiting only one individual. Positivity is a huge part of how to become successful in life, so get in this rule today.
How to get in the Habit: Look for ways in which you share hopes with other people. Try to stop being overly competitive and instead seek the mutual ground. If you have a business venture, be aware of the ways in which you could work with others (both individuals and other businesses) to create a beneficial situation for all parties.
Movie Character who Inspires the Habit: Trevor McKinney
In Pay it Forward, Trevor McKinney comes up with a very simple plan in which people can be drawn closer together such that what is good for one becomes good for all. His idea is that instead of paying something back, you pay it forward to another. Trevor has rightly inspired and motivated millions through his compassion and love for other people.
“I guess it’s hard for people who are so used to things the way they are – even if they’re bad – to change.
‘Cause they kind of give up. And when they do, everybody kind of loses.” [Trevor Mckinney quote]
How To Become successful in Life Habit 5: Seek first to Understand, Then to be Understood
Highly successful people have a high degree of empathy and listen with genuine interest and compassion to other people. Not only does this greatly help strengthen their relationships but it also makes them far more likely to be listened to, themselves, in return.
How to get in the Habit: Practice makes perfect. Ask people how their day was and try to listen with open ears, silencing your own thoughts and allowing the other person to genuinely have your attention.
Movie Character who Inspires the Habit: Spiderman
Spiderman is almost certainly the most respectful and compassionate superhero and the best listener (at least amongst those who have major movie releases after them). This is best illustrated when he is listening either to Uncle Ben or to Aunt May. He’s always asking questions to, like when he is enquiring about Otto or Norman Osborne about their inventions, and he is always genuinely interested.
“Not everyone is meant to make a difference.
But for me, the choice to lead an ordinary life is no longer an option. ” [Spiderman Quote]
How To Become Successful in life, Habit 6: Synergise
Highly successful people recognise that we all have our strengths and we all have our weaknesses and that only by working together can we really achieve the best. They are also very good at getting people to work in teams and at strengthening the bond between individuals in the team. The ability to syngergise is a huge part of how to become successful in life, so get in this rule today.
How to get in the Habit: Try to fairly evaluate the strengths and weaknesses both of yourself and of those you work with. Notice the contrast between people and recognise how two people with different characters can mutually benefit one another. This will help to understand the importance of team work. Also sharpen your listening skills and quiet your own thoughts, demands and concerns in order to provide more room for others. In group settings, strive for a safe environment where all feel free and comfortable to express themselves and their ideas.
Movie Character who will Inspire the Habit: the friends in IT
The mention of IT here might raise a few eyebrows especially given other notable teamwork movies like Remember the Titans. After all, horror movies aren’t generally considered for their positive inspiration of teamwork, but IT is a brilliant exception. In IT all the friends face a terrible monster who cripples them with fear (also cripples this writer with fear but that’s a different story). Pennywise the clown looks to kill off the children, and later the adults, one by one, and it is only through the power of their friendship and their ability to truly be there for one another that they are able to overcome this powerful enemy.
There was some force guiding us that summer.
It either came to help us or we created it. But maybe… maybe it’s still here. [Bill Denbrough Quote]
How To Become Successful in life, Habit 7: Self Renewal
Highly Successful people take time to revitalise themselves spiritually, intellectually, socially and physically. In a nutshell, we must make sure that we keep our most valuable tools, ourselves, in tip-top condition. Self renewal is a huge part of how to become successful in life, so get in this rule today.
How to get in the Habit: Start listening to yourself. Do you need a fresh perspective? If so speak to friends or take in amazing new information be it through movies, books, games, art or any other source of inspiration. Are you feeling sluggish or tired? Get to the gym or, if you’ve overworked yourself, take a day off. Just be honest with yourself and do what you need to do to be at the top of your game.
Movie Character who Inspires the Habit: Luke Skywalker
In the Degobah sequence of The Empire Strikes Back, Yoda instructs Luke about a great many truths in life, most of which pertain to his mastery of himself. These include letting go of anger, learning to appreciate the beauty of the world, relaxing and accepting reality, training to become physically fit, recognising both his strength and his weaknesses (implied by Yoda telling him not to confront Vader), and above all else, he must recognise that there is a developmental process. Luke wants to fight, to defeat evil and to bring peace, but Yoda teaches him that, essentially, to take on too much too soon would lead to his ruin. There are a great many points made in this iconic movie scene, but pervading it all is the sense that Luke must recognise, understand and work with himself; if he is to succeed, he must master the art of living itself.
“Control. Control. You must learn control.” [Yoda Quote]
The Six Things You DO. . . IF You’re A Successful Person
1: Successful People Take Risks
Do you take risks? We’re not talking about stupid risks like running in front of traffic or calling Mike Tyson a pussy. No, we mean smart risks. Successful people weight up the potential wins against the potential losses and take a chance when the odds are in their favour. A successful person starting a small business, for instance, won’t mind taking out a business loan if the odds suggest their business will pay off in the long run. Unsuccessful people, however, shy away from risks always OR take risks when there’s clearly little chance of reward.
2: Successful People Have Self Belief
Do you believe in yourself? Really? Like, if you were up against it, back against the wall, do you believe you would come out on top?
Successful people believe that no matter where they are, no matter what their circumstances, they’ll survive and flourish. Because of their self belief, successful people are free from fear and able to act at a moment’s notice. Successful people have unwavering self belief.
3: Successful People Don’t Give A Fluing Fluck What You Think
Successful people don’t need to be told how great they are. They don’t need to be reminded of their awesomeness. Heck, they don’t even care if you dislike them. Successful people make up their own mind about themselves, banging their own drum, living by their own rules, calling their own shots. They’re not rocked by negative opinions and they don’t feel the need to follow the crowd. They’re masters of their own destiny.
4: If there’s a box, successful people think outside of it
Boxes. They’re important to a degree. Whenever you’re moving house, for instance, a box can be bloody helpful. But when it comes to thinking, tear that box up and disregard its compartmentalised organisational structure.
Successful people think outside the box, coming up with new ways of looking at things, new perspectives, new ideas. They’re creative thinkers, often inventive; that’s why they’re so successful.
5: Yay It’s A Happy Lovely Positive World
Successful people are optimistic. They believe the best in things. If you were to put a successful person in a pen of hungry and pissed off tigers, instead of fearing for their lives, the successful person would choose to think that they’ll not only survive but make all new tiger friends.
That’s an exaggeration, obviously. Einstein said “Imagination is the preview of life’s coming attractions” and successful people seem to realise the truth of the quote. They imagine the best, and imagining the best they set themselves up for good tidings.
6: Failure? What’s That?
Successful people fail, a lot, but they never look a failure as a failure. A failure is really just a misguided step on the path to success. That’s the way a successful person looks at things. Ask yourself: have you made a ton of mistakes in your life leading you to regret? OR have the mistakes in your life led you to learn, to grow and to move closer to total success? If you think the latter, you my friend are a successful person, or perhaps a successful person in the making.
If you have ever asked ” How can I be more successful in life? ” try these 6 tips.