When you know how to have sexual confidence everything is great.
But what do you do when your sexual confidence is gone? How do you get your sexual confidence back?
Relax. There are some great techniques you can use to get your sexual confidence back.
The following is an excerpt from my book Thirty Secrets To Spiritual Love (http://amzn.to/2j8wlq0). In this excerpt I’ll reveal how to have asexual confidence, using the ancient technique of Mindfulness.
How To Have Sexual Confidence By Using Mindfulness
We need to be mindful in life. Because life happens in the moments. It’s the things that happen to you here and now that add up to become your life. That’s why I personally advocate that you practice 25 mindfulness habits that will help you to live in the moment.
Just as we need to be mindful of everything that is happening outside of ourselves, we equally need to be mindful of everything that is going on inside ourselves.
Imagine that you are a single man suffering from low self esteem (as many single men do). You deep down believe that you are not attractive. You think you’re ugly. You think no one in the world could possibly ever be attracted to you. These negative self beliefs affect you every day of your life.
But here’s the crux: your beliefs are only based on what YOU think. Your negative thoughts and your negative beliefs do not have anything to do with reality. And they do not affect the way that other people feel about you.
But despite the fact that your thoughts are delusions, they still affect you a lot.
How your thoughts affect your sexual confidence.
Unfortunately, our minds tend to be led astray by our beliefs about ourselves. If you believe you are unattractive you will close your eyes anytime someone shows interest in you. Which is why one thing you can do to very quickly get more dates is to simply accept the way that people feel about you without first filtering it by the way you feel about yourself.
Imagine that you’re at the bar with a female friend who thinks that she is completely unattractive. She genuinely believes that there is no way on Earth that a man would ever be attracted to her. And so she shuns every guy who approaches her because she doesn’t believe that they are truly interested in her.
Now, imagine that there’s a guy at the other end of the bar who’s checking her out.
. . . “So you haven’t seen the guy over there?” you say to her.
“Oh him,” your friend says with a sigh. “Yeah, I saw him. He’s weird. Whenever I look at him he checks himself over.”
“Right. Because he’s attracted to you.”
She laughs. “No, no. Get real. He’s gorgeous. There’s no way he’s interested in me!”
“Okay,” you say, scratching your head in disbelief. You can’t believe she’s so blind to this guy’s attraction. “So, you saw him check himself over when you looked at him. I’m presuming you’ve noticed him looking over here repeatedly. So, what’s he looking over here for then?”
“Oh he’s probably gay. He’s probably looking at you.”
At this you laugh. “He doesn’t look gay to me! He looks like he fancies you.”
“Well then why doesn’t he come over here and start talking to me?”
“Maybe he’s not very confident.”
“Maybe I’m just not very attractive.” . . .
And so within two seconds she has completely destroyed this idea that a guy could be genuinely interested in her.
And that is how your negative beliefs mess you up.
And if that rings true for you. If you think that maybe you have negative self beliefs that are affecting you, read my guide to changing your beliefs about yourself. It will do you wonders.
But What If It’s Not A Negative Belief. It’s something Else?
There are lot of different reasons why you might lose sexual confidence.
Maybe you lost sexual confidence for one of these reasons:
- You’ve been married forever and your confidence has simply decline over the year
- He / she cheated on you
- You’ve been through a divorce
- You have a bad experience in the bedroom
- Your body has changed. E.g. You’ve put on weight / gone grey / are looking older
Those are some of the most common reasons for a loss of sexual confidence.
Out the outset, those things might look very different. The experience of someone going through a divorce is different to the experience of someone who has put on weight.
But actually, there is one common bond. That common bond is that something that has happened to you has led to a specific feeling in the present moment.
In other words. Something bad happened. Now when it comes to sex you can’t relax and be confident. It’s the same thing in each situation.
Essentially, you need to put all that mental baggage, all the heartache, the self doubt, the anxiety…take all that and toss it out of your mind.
Easier said than done thought, right?
How do you empty your mind like that?
Well, that is precisely what meditation is all about. Meditation is all about emptying your mind of thoughts so you can focus on the present moment. And when you learn to do that you will naturally enjoy the moment and will have sexual confidence without even trying.
A powerful alternative way of finding love is by writing or chanting the kleem mantra.