How I Used Meditation For Loneliness To Stop Feeling So Alone

How I Used Meditation For Loneliness To Stop Feeling So Alone

There are many benefits of meditation for loneliness.

Recently, I’ve been suffering with feelings of being alone in the world,  feelings of isolation.

Statistically, there is a very good chance that you know what loneliness fees like. According to research published by International Psychogeriatrics, three-quarters of people experience moderate to high levels of loneliness [source]. So ironically, we are not alone in being alone. The study also showed that both men and women are equally likely to be affected by loneliness.

Thankfully, we can use meditation to stop loneliness. Meditation is the simple act of focusing on one thing in the present moment. It is a simple but high powerful exercise and it can have a profound effect on loneliness.

What is loneliness?

Loneliness is a mental state that is marked by a dissociation between what people want in a relationship and what they actually experience in that relationship.

There are a couple of important points that you will want to note here. Firstly, it is a “state of mind”. In other words, loneliness is not caused by actually being alone. Some people have very many friends and a close family but feel alone anyway. And some people have no one but do now experience the mental state of loneliness.

It is the mental state that matters, not the actual reality of being alone or not. And secondly, it is based on what we want from a relationship, in other words: Desire.

As you can see, loneliness is a condition that is entirely based on your mind. It is a mind-set created by the difference between what you think your relationships should be and what they actually are. This is crucial, because it means that your mental state is everything to this condition. It is based on emotion.

Effect Of Meditation On Loneliness

Part of the reason meditation helps with loneliness is because it helps us overcome the emotion and to  improve our mood [READ: Benefits Of Meditating For Mood]

Let me illustrate this with an exercise.

Let’s take a quick mindful moment right now.

Take a few deep breaths mindfully. Do it now. Now become aware of the feeling of loneliness. Notice that it is an emotion. It is a feeling. It is not actually being alone. It is a feeling in your mind. That’s what loneliness is. Can you see it in your mind right now? That energy? That sensation of isolation? Just notice how it is a feeling. This is important because you need to understand that loneliness is not the condition of actually being alone in the world. It is the emotion.

There are people who are all alone but who do not have that feeling of being alone. They don’t mind the fact that they don’t have that many friends or close family. They are happy alone. And this is important. Because although having friends and family is great, we should not be dependent on them for our happiness. Yes, we can be happy to have people in our lives, but we can also be happy on our own. Just because we are alone does not mean we have to feel lonely.

Here I would like to share my first meditation for loneliness.

In a moment I will share some techniques that will actually help you to not be alone. They will help you to feel more connected to other people and to gain new friends and even potential romantic partners if you’re lonely in love.

First of all, however, I want to share a meditation to stop feeling lonely. This method is all about the sensation of loneliness. It’s about being okay on your own. It’s about overcoming the emotion of loneliness.

Here is how to do it.

  1. Firstly, if you are new to meditation, read my beginners guide to getting started with mindfulness.
  2. To begin, find a quiet place where you can sit without being disturbed. Sit comfortably with good posture and simply breathe for a few moments.
  3. Become aware of the process of breathing. Let your breath flow in through your nose and go deep into your abdomen. In other words: do diaphragmatic breathing.
  4. Take 25 breaths mindfully, just being aware of your breath moving through your body. This will induce your relaxation response and quieten your mind.
  5. Now, notice how there are various thoughts and feelings in your mind. Observe these. Do not judge them as “good” or “bad”. Do not fight them. Do not cling to them. Just let them come and go as they will, while you observe them.
  6. Now notice that one of the feelings that exists in your mind is the feeling of loneliness. Can you sense this feeling inside you? Observe it. Notice how it feels. Don’t let yourself sink into it. Don’t be affected by it. Just observe it.
  7. Now remind yourself that it is just a feeling. Nothing more. The feeling of loneliness is just an emotion. It isn’t a “real thing”. It is simply a mental state.
  8. Notice how at times that feeling of loneliness comes and goes. Like a wave on the shore, sometimes it comes up close and other times it fades into the distance. Notice its undulating state. Notice how when it comes, it also goes. This is normal and natural. Emotions come and go. But we tend to dwell on them. Do not dwell. Instead, let the feeling come, observe it coming, and then let it go and observe it going. This will teach you to be less reactive to the feeling of loneliness.
  9. Now recite the mantra, “This is just a feeling, nothing more”. Recite this 108 times while meditating. This will train your mind to understand that loneliness is just a feeling, an emotion. It doesn’t reflect you. It doesn’t mean anything. It is just an emotion.

What this meditation for loneliness will do for you

With this exercise we have gained an understanding of the emotion behind loneliness.

Conquering this emotion can have a profound effect on our well being and on our happiness [READ: Meditation For Happiness].

Loneliness causes us to feel disconnected, unsupported, purposeless, and trapped. And because of this it can have serious affects on our mental health. But the meditation above will help you to stop being so affected by the emotion, and this will reduce the symptoms of loneliness.

Some of the mental health effects of loneliness include [source]:     

  • Depression [READ: Meditating To Stop Depression]
  • Cardiovascular disease and stroke
  • Increased stress levels
  • Decreased memory and learning
  • Antisocial behavior
  • Poor decision-making
  • Alcoholism and drug abuse
  • The progression of Alzheimer’s disease
  • Altered brain function
  • Anxiety [READ: Meditating To Stop Anxiety]

Meditation can help with many of these problems. The exercise we looked at above will reduce your reaction to the feeling of loneliness, and this can dramatically improve your health.

It will also help you actually stop being alone. Part of the reason people are alone is because they feel lonely. The emotional condition of loneliness creates the external reality of being alone. The emotion convinces us that we do not have anyone, and perhaps that other people do not want to be around us. This causes us to continually dissociate from other people, becoming ever more lonely.

By meditating on loneliness, the emotion, we can stop being affected by the feeling, and this will in turn help us to actually connect to other people.

As well as using the exercise above, we can also use meditations to stop being alone, to connect with people, make friends and to stop being alone in love.

More Meditations For Loneliness:

As well as the exercise above, there are other techniques we can use to help with the various aspects of loneliness. For instance, there are meditations to stop being alone and to actually make friends. There are methods to feel more connected to people.

Use This Exercise To Make Friends And Lovers

Although loneliness is technically an emotion, it is obviously connected to our real-world relationship to other people. If you are lonely you are likely seeking more or better friends, and perhaps romance [READ: How To Attract Love].

Thankfully, there are techniques you can use for both those things.

If you want to use meditation for loneliness to actually make more friends and perhaps get dates, I highly recommend the Buddhist meditation called Metta, which also goes by the name “Loving Kindness Meditation”.

This is a method that is all about giving and receiving warm feelings. This can have a profound effect on the the feeling of isolation and can help us to feel more connected to other people and to have a better social life. It helps with loneliness because it makes us feel the positive love and kindness of other people in our lives.

Loneliness and isolation often result from feeling a lack of warmth from other people. We are lonely because we don’t feel other people in our lives. But we can change that. Read my guide to Loving Kindness Meditation to find out how.

Use This Exercise To Improve Social Confidence

One of the most common causes of loneliness is lack of self worth, especially if it causes social anxiety [READ: How To Stop Social Anxiety].

Simply put, when we do not feel worthy of the friendship and love of other people, we will not receive it.

This is entirely caused by the way the mind processes beliefs. Essentially, the human mind is always looking for evidence to prove that its own beliefs are correct. That’s why if you believe you do not deserve company, you will continually look for evidence to support that belief. This is also how people can feel alone even when they have a lot of friends. If they themselves do not believe they are worthy of friendship, they will think that their friends are not genuine and are not truly there for them.

This is essentially a problem with self worth. And what it comes down to is this: If you believe you are worthy of love, friendship and company, you will get it. It’s that simple.

Developing self worth, however, can be a challenge. If, for instance, you were brought up for years to feel worthless, it is not very easy to simply snap your fingers and feel better about things. It can take serious effort to overcome such a deeply ingrained negative belief.

One of the ways you can overcome any negative belief that surrounds your loneliness is through cognitive behavioral therapy. This technique has been shown to have a positive effect on loneliness [source].

There are many different CBT techniques you can use for loneliness. Mindfulness-CBT is my recommendation.

There are also meditations for loneliness caused by self-worth problems.

I’ve written a guide to help you to use meditation to develop self worth.

Conclusion

What is important to remember about isolation and loneliness is that they are actually mental states. Too often we focus simply on the reality of literally being alone. But in actual fact this is not the root of the problem. We know this because there are many people who actually are alone who are still happy in life.

The problem is an emotional one. The feeling of loneliness is the issue. The feeling. Because not only does this feeling cause the emotional pain associated with the problem, but it also causes us to dissociate from other people, which is the root cause of actually being alone.

Meditation can help. We can use meditation to stop the feeling of loneliness. And we can use meditation to replace loneliness with more positive emotions, such as the feeling of being connected to others, and the feeling of having love and support.

The meditations for loneliness that we have looked at on this page will help you to take control of the underlying emotional problem, and this in turn will help you to actually stop being alone and to improve your relationships with other people.

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Paul Harrison

Paul Harrison is a meditation teacher and writer. Paul has helped thousands of people to discover their true potential through mindfulness, yoga and meditation.

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